Taxi Driver

My senior yearbook quote was, “I don’t believe one should devote his life to morbid self-attention. One should become a person like other people. -Travis Bickle” This quote surprises some who are familiar with “Taxi Driver.” Since I’m a woman and I’m fairly mentally stable, most people don’t see how could pick such a toxically masculine movie to quote from. But, I agree with the quote, and “Taxi Drive” has been my favorite movie probably since I was sixteen. To understand my relationship with this movie, I want to go through some of the culture surrounding the movie, my relationship with it, and primarily what’s relatable about the story. 

Travis Bickle is a man so disgusted with New York City after returning from Vietnam that he cannot sleep. He spends his time in porn theaters and riding public transit until he decides to drive a yellow cab. He’s a loner and an insomniac who can’t keep a woman. He’s what’s known as a “sigma male”. 

If you don’t understand the culture of “sigma males”, boy, are you in for a treat! The best way to describe it is a “lone wolf” type who often romanticizes loneliness even though sometimes they desire a companion. In my mind, they are connected to incels (involuntary celibate, but describing that would lead me down a rabbit hole). In movies and television, they usually commit crimes. Some of the most famous examples are Walter White from Breaking Bad, Patrick Batman from “American Psycho”, Tyler Durden from “Fight Club”, and of course, Travis Bickle. 

My first time watching it was on an iPhone in the park. And I can’t speak to what I experienced the first time watching it. I definitely wouldn't have classified it as my favorite movie back then, I probably agreed with the public in saying that this movie was only for mentally unstable men. I have no idea when I began saying it was my favorite, but I know this April marks the three-year anniversary of my first watch (an important milestone in my life). 

My goal behind writing this is to explain why people like me relate to the character. It’s not a reflection of my violent tendencies, but rather his faulty idea of love, sense of loneliness, and a desire to be something greater than himself. 

I’d like to mention that there are things other than the actual story that appeal to me. The soundtrack is the best of any movie (in my humble opinion). The cinematography is stunning (New York, 1970s, what a time, what a place!). Most importantly, my favorite actor ever is the star (maybe I’ll write about that another time). The following reasons will focus on what makes Travis such a great anti-hero that we can relate to while still acknowledging his faults. 

SPOILER ALERT! From here on out, I’m going to be referencing specific parts of the movie, so please watch it first! Thank you. 

First, his relationship with Betty is strikingly similar to my early thoughts about romance. Before I’d been in a relationship, I had this idea in my mind that if I could find love and have an awesome boyfriend, everything in my life would fix itself. Now, as I’m older and have dated too many men, I realize that a relationship won’t magically make your life perfect. You’ll still have problems, although I’ll concede that sometimes a relationship helps to manage them. Once Travis sees Betty on the street, he automatically sees perfection. He sees someone who he must get because she will be the shining light of his life. He writes,“they cannot touch her” showing him romanticizing her while barely knowing her, just as many do in a period of infatuation. Then, when she ends things after two dates, he’s absolutely crushed. The reason why a short-term relationship breakup can hurt so much more than a long-term break up is that you never know what could’ve been. You still think of them as perfect, while if you’ve been with someone for a while you know their faults and what you could change about them. And you feel bad for him because you know what it’s like to fuck up a second date and ruin your chances. Months later, he still acts with the hope of Betty’s approval, as we see in the epilogue/possible dream sequence where she rides in his taxi. He has an undeveloped sense of love which I’ve had most of my life (and still slip into occasionally). 

Another place where many can relate to Travis is in his periods of intense isolation. He feels as if he does not connect to the rest of the world. He feels like there’s something inherent within him that leads to his loneliness: “Loneliness has followed me my whole life. Everywhere. In bars, in cars, sidewalks, stores, everywhere. There's no escape. I'm God's lonely man." Since I was in middle school, I’ve had this thought like, “something’s wrong with me. There’s a reason why I’m lonely, and I wish someone would just tell me that reason.” The people I’ve told this to tend to feel the same way. As if there’s this part of us that forces us to not feel like we fit in, to feel loneliness even when we are among friends, to continuously lose friends at our low points. I’m far from a psychologist, but I think “God’s lonely man” seems to fit many people. Travis exemplifies this feeling: no friends, not speaking with his parents, breaking his record player and television so he can no longer connect with the world outside. The only “friends” he has are other cab drivers who don’t understand him. As they joke amongst each other, Travis stays silent. When he attempts to express his feelings to the Wizards, he proves unhelpful; the Wizard only sees Travis as a taxi driver, not a full person. It’s hard to have all these problems, but when you try to express them and are met without understanding it only makes you more isolated than before. 

And finally, his desire to do something with his life appeals to all of our desires to escape from the mundanity of life. The ending clearly expresses Travis’ deterorian into violence, but his violence was with the hopes of making positive change in the world. I think a lot of people in their summary of the movie fail to recognize that by killing the three pimps, he was trying to help Iris, a twelve-year-old human tracking victim. Before he commits the murders, he gives Iris all my money and clearly lays out why he can’t just go to the police. His mental health is the reason why he doesn’t see the fault within his good intentions. I think we all want to do good in the world to some extent, whether that good is having children, doing a job that benefits your community, or even just trying to make the best life for yourself; we all need to feel a purpose. Travis says, “all my life needed was a place to go,” which many people struggle with. The thought persists, “if I had a purpose, maybe I wouldn't feel so terrible”. I have a dream of doing something good for the world, teaching high school. I think about this dream often during difficult periods when I am questioning why I go on with college. It’s a type of escapism I imagine many experience. While Travis goes about it differently, one can appreciate how he wants to view himself as a hero so desperately that he dies to keep up his illusion. 

I think there’s a lot of hesitancy to say you relate to a murder, especially among those who experience prolonged periods of depression, similar to what Travis goes through. I argue that because he has no actual victims and the movie is made for mass appeal, there’s no harm in saying that aspects of his identity are meant to develop a connection to the audience. Sometimes, the connection goes too far and ends up developing into violence, but for the most part, it’s harmless. I hope you consider rewatching the movie with that in mind; not to sympathize with his actions, but to realize he’s “a person like other people” and he feels the same emotions that we do.